Christmas is here again, and for many couples, it’s a time filled with joy, love, and family. However, we must be honest: it can also be extremely stressful. Between planning gatherings, shopping, and handling family dynamics, couples often find themselves feeling disconnected when they should be celebrating together. As a relationship coach, I’ve worked with couples who want to make their holidays meaningful while deepening their bond. There are five actionable tips to help you reconnect with your partner and truly make this Christmas one to remember.
Prioritise “Us Time” Over Everything Else
My husband, Coach Harrison Tito, and I started our Christmas holiday early. As I was about to clean the house, he said, “Let’s hang out.” So, we saw a movie and ate takeout. Even though I needed to clean the house, prioritising us was very important. Amidst the hustle and bustle of Christmas, it’s easy to get drowned in everyone else’s needs—kids, relatives, work parties. But what about your relationship?
Plan a Christmas date night. Whether it’s decorating the tree together with some wine, cooking together, or going to see a movie, carve out moments just for the two of you. Practice micro-moments of connection throughout the day: share a kiss in the kitchen, hold hands while running errands, or offer a simple “I love you” before bed. These small gestures help keep the spark alive.
Set Boundaries with Extended Family
Christmas often involves balancing traditions and expectations from extended family, which can lead to stress and arguments. Consider creating your own traditions with your partner. If you both feel overwhelmed, choose a few traditions that are just for the two of you. This could be watching a favourite Christmas movie together or enjoying breakfast in bed on Christmas morning. Utilise communication as your superpower by kindly and firmly setting boundaries with family members. For example, you might say, “We’d love to see everyone, but we’re prioritising some downtime this year.“
Make Intimacy a Priority
Is your holiday feeling more like a business transaction—planning, organising, and checking things off a list? Then it’s time to write one thing at the top of your list. Sex! Because intimacy is crucial for maintaining closeness and a balanced relationship with your partner.
Schedule time for physical intimacy. While it may seem unromantic, busy schedules necessitate intentional effort. A quick encounter in the kitchen or car can be a good idea. Play some soft music to create a relaxing atmosphere, and take the time to connect. Build emotional intimacy. Share your hopes for the coming year or express gratitude for the small things your partner does. Fostering emotional closeness enhances physical bonding.
Avoid the “Perfect Holiday Hole”
One of the biggest sources of stress in relationships during Christmas is the pursuit of perfection—perfect photos for Instagram, perfect gifts, perfect meals, and everything else. It’s important to shift your mindset. The goal should not be to create an Instagram-perfect, indulgent Christmas, but rather to have a joyful one. If the Jollof rice burns or the kids make a mess, laugh about it together. Work as a team. Instead of assigning blame or getting stressed, face challenges as a united front.
Reflect and Reset, New Year is coming
Christmas is the perfect time to pause, reflect, and plan for your relationship. Take a moment to ask each other some thoughtful questions: What worked well in our relationship this year? What is one area we would like to improve? It’s also a great opportunity to set relationship goals. Consider focusing on areas such as spiritual growth, scheduling more date nights, improving communication, or simply being more present with each other. Don’t forget to set personal goals as well. It’s important to share your individual aspirations since you are both unique individuals working together as a team.
This Christmas, decide to not let stress or distractions pull you and your partner apart. Instead, use this time to bond, grow closer, laugh more, and set the stage for a beautiful year ahead. Your relationship is the best gift you can give each other, so make it count.
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Feature Image by Ekaterina Bolovtsova for Pexels
